This dog

...came with the new house. I'm not sure why it's here. Maybe as a scarecrow for neighborhood dogs considering pooping on our lawn? Not so sure, but it scares me every time come home. Also, contrary to what you may believe, is made of styrofoam. It is being sold in the garage sale next weekend, thank god.

Some better things about the new house than that dog:

1) Better cell phone reception.

2) Can walk from my room to homeroom in 3 minutes flat

3) I have an alley.

4) Jacuzzi. Yet to be tested out, but it exists.

However...

1) It's cold.

2) I can't go in my room for more than 5 minutes if I'm not sleeping because it makes me claustrophobic.

3) The first night I slept here I was awoken numerous times by what sounded like rats in ten inch heels moving miniature furniture above my head and testing out scratch and sniff stickers. (Update: The problem has been remedied. The high heels and furniture will be sold among their personal effects in an estate sale following the group funeral).

4) My brother's friends think this is the new party house. The first day he had people over they broke the bed.

Me: What happened?

Him: There were five of us on it, and he said we should all do a big bounce.

Me: Wow, thats sooo smart what were you even th - wait, what were FIVE PEOPLE doing on your bed?

Him: Playing C.O.D.

Oh, the innocent. Let's pray he stays that way.