Today, I met a little girl. She loved pink and puppies - and happened to have more sophisticated sales techniques than any of the strippers I met last week.
My mom and I renamed her Cinnamon after becoming increasingly jealous of her charisma. Cinnamon had set her sights on my 14-year-old brother. After calling him "Mister" and demanding he follow her outside, she took to rubbing the inside of his thigh - with multiple "accidental" slips into the danger zone. I gave her some slack and figured she was unaware of her geographical location. That is, until she mounted him.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, thats correct. I looked over and she had straddled my brother. His face was priceless. After she realized he wasn't budging from the couch, she moved onto the only other male in the room.
She walked over, and with a subtle shoulder shimmy, said seductively, "I remember you". Yes sweetheart, you probably do. From your family reunion last year. When you were three.
Later, someone wiped the chocolate cake off her upper lip. As a thank you, she seductively glanced over her shoulder and pursed her lips. Seriously?
The more I realized that I was being completely neglected by this four-year-old due to my estrogen levels, the angrier I got with American pop culture. The fact that even a four-year-old knows exactly how to seduce men more than 10 years her elder frightens me. I am not only disappointed, but flat-out intimidated.
I shouldn't really be surprised though, considering I am unable to get any of my female friends to text me back tonight. So much for girls' night.
"You smell like a baby prostitute"
P.S. Sorry no photo. I figured I should protect her from being over-exposed - at least on the Internet.
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